Chapter 12: Common Ground Is Free Thinking Unbound by Convention (A Roundabout Way of Putting It)
To give the result first: I stopped the straight punch, but he took two rounds off me and I lost.
I never expected him to stack bugs on top of bugs.
Modor Katzo: "Man, lately I've done nothing but practice techniques against NPCs, so I'm satisfied."
Sunraku: "I never thought every single texture from that fist scattering apart would have its own hitbox."
Modor Katzo: "That move's a double-edged sword. If it fails, hitboxes scatter all over the place... and then all it takes is someone tap-dancing on the fist fragments and you're dead."
Sunraku: "That's hilarious."
How was I supposed to predict that a shotgun punch would literally shatter the fist and turn it into buckshot? At most, I thought the fist would split apart.
As I looked through screenshots of the battle being sent by the players who'd been watching — a peculiar bit of etiquette in this game — Modor Katzo and I settled into some idle chatter.
Modor Katzo: "Still, why'd you come back when there's no tournament going on, Sunraku? Killing time until your next kusoge?"
Sunraku: "Well... actually, I started SLF recently..."
Modor Katzo: "Really? Ha."
I let it slide because it's me, but does he realize that, generally speaking, laughing while making a face like you've just seen a cooked turkey start begging for its life is rude?
Modor Katzo: "Come on, Sunraku. Weren't you the guy who said something incredibly stupid— I mean, cool — like, 'Maybe games that don't bug out are the real kusoge'? So why'd you go and debut in SLF, the polar opposite of evil — kusoge?"
Sunraku: "After I spent all that time punching Fuckaria, I kinda burned out... Thought I'd try a game the masses actually praise for once."
Modor Katzo: "Maybe tomorrow 'Constipation' will be treated like a kamige."
So me playing a game that isn't a kusoge is even less likely than spears raining from the sky, huh?
Modor Katzo isn't as indiscriminate a kusoge-devouring omnivore as I am, but he's cleared most kusoge himself. He looked at me like he'd just seen an alien keeping a tsuchinoko as a pet, but it would be idiotic to get hung up on every little thing, so I kept talking.
Sunraku: "No, it's actually really well made. Even though I was half-assing it, there weren't any bugs or shitty elements involved, and an attack I never expected nearly killed me."
Modor Katzo: "Ahh, so you're using Constipation — the embodiment of cheap first-time kills and breaking convention — to get your instincts back."
Sunraku: "Exactly."
I can't imagine SLF pulling anything more unexpected than this game, where teleportation and shadow-clone techniques can happen at the same time.
I'd spent a pretty long time clearing Fuckaria, so I'd gotten better at babysitting a stupid AI, but in exchange my instincts for dealing with cheap first-time kills had gotten a little rusty. I wanted to get that edge back.
Sunraku: "You wouldn't expect a snake to fling shit at you, would you?"
Modor Katzo: "Isn't that the perfect attack for a kusoge lover?"
Sunraku: "Ha ha ha, listen to you."
Modor Katzo: "But SLF, huh... Maybe I'll try it too. I can't exactly recommend this game to my real-life friends, so I've got nothing for us to get excited talking about."
Well, yeah. It's not exactly easy to spread a game where you can turn yourself into a body-modified mutant among the general public.
Worst case, you might even get noisy people going, "Even if it's virtual, games that deform your body are bad for your health! Bad for your mind!" and so on. Constipation is better off remaining a kusoge that quietly keeps limping along. The players here came because they like it that way in the first place.
After a few more matches against Modor Katzo and the other players, I logged out of the inhuman hellscape known as "Constipation," partly so I could grab some food.
After getting some fluids and food into me, I moved from kusoge to kamige.
I woke up at the inn in Secondale. Me — Sunraku, the pervert birdhead — confirmed that my death penalty had worn off, then considered what to do next.
Sunraku: "For starters, maybe I should buy some armor..."
At least I'd realized that running around effectively naked was a bad idea.
I only made it in time because the Gluttonous Serpent's poison-shit attack didn't deal damage on impact. If taking the hit itself had dealt damage, I would've died before ever reaching town.
Calling my setup paper armor would be giving it too much credit; I was completely unguarded. I should probably wear something, even if it's just starter gear.
And more important than that, I needed a way to heal. I'd been half-assing things way too hard.
Sunraku: "There's the map too... and I need to sort out my inventory."
I once heard a player who was an active office worker complain, "Having a ton of things to do is only fun in games," and he was exactly right.
If this were chores or homework, I'd quietly sigh and put it off until tomorrow.
Sunraku: "All right, let's head out."