Chapter 321: The Kind of Horror You Can Handle with Physics

[Hi, this is Europa-Man Katarina. Today’s chapter is a little shorter.]

Sunraku: "Give me your blood…! Your flesh…! Your liiiife…!"

Ryū × 4 Techi: "NOOOO! GYAAAAAAHH!?"

I intentionally let my neck go limp, bobbing my head in jerks as I chased Ryū × 4 Techi around. At first it was just a little prank, but she gave me such perfectly honest reactions that it gradually got fun.

Ryū × 4 Techi: "Ugh, hic, ehh, uwahhh…!"

Ryū × 4 Techi: "I’m the one who wants to cry here, so why are you so good at fake crying!? Scary-dangerous, scary-creepy!!"

Sunraku: "Oi, what the hell did you just call me at the end there?"

Ryū × 4 Techi: "Don’t suddenly drop your voice like that!!"

Shall I demonstrate for you the "Forty-Eight Techniques of Monster Movement That Are Scary Even When You Know They're Coming in Horror Games," cultivated through my horror-game conquests?

Sunraku: "Here we go, first up: 'The Vengeful Spirit That Chases You with Spasmodic, Stop-Motion-Like Movements'!"

Ryū × 4 Techi: "PIGYAAAAAAAAHHH!!?"

Josette: "You took it way too far."

Sunraku: "My bad…"

Just as I was deploying one of the Forty-Eight Horror Game Techniques—"Extremely Loud Footstep Speed-Walking"—to chase her around, Josette caught me. Yeah, I definitely got a little too carried away with the bit. Nearly got myself hacked to death there…

Josette: "By the way, that equipment… never seen it before. What is it?"

Sunraku: "Hm? Oh, this. It dropped when I killed True Quiet."

Josette: "True…?"

Sunraku: "That bullshit monster that spawns when you commit slaughter."

Josette: "Ah, THAT!? Wait, you can kill that thing…? I completely thought it was an unkillable punishment monster."

Ryū × 4 Techi: "More like… did it drop that directly?"

Ryū × 4, who had been hiding behind Josette, asked with half-lidded eyes. I nodded yes while making my head wobble in jerky motions. I didn't mean to spook her—it was purely subconscious—but apparently, she didn't see it that way.

Sunraku: "Please accept this humble token of apology…"

We'll likely be seeing a fair bit of each other at least while Saint-chan's quest is in progress, so I handed over an apple pie by way of apology.

Ryū × 4 Techi: "What kind of scenario even is 'woman in mourning clothes gives you apple pie'…"

Sunraku: "I can't take this off without dying once, so I'm stuck like this for a while."

Ryū × 4 Techi: "Then just die already…"

Ryū × 4's mouth was twitching, but this one's not my fault, so I can't take responsibility.

Afterwards, I made the blunder of getting interrogated with "Where the hell did you get an apple pie that actually tastes good!?" but I drove them off using the "Tiny Head-Vibrating Tremors" technique common to doll-type horror. Is this appearance really that scary?

Sunraku: "…Sea cucumber."

Mold: "GYAAAAAAHH!?"

Rust: "………………Sunraku?"

Mmm, this is fun. I'd slipped out the back of Skull Azuchi for some solo play, progressing through the forest, when I spotted an oddly noisy group. Sneaking closer, lo and behold—it was Rust and Mold. After reflecting on how teasing Ryū × 4 Techi had gotten me scolded, I'd arrived at the conclusion of "Well, if it's my own people, it's fine!" and crept up behind them… then traced a finger along Mold's neck. I couldn't think of a good line, so I just said the first thing that came to mind: what we're having for dinner tonight. Sea cucumber… what the hell is with sea cucumber, old man…

Mold: "………! ………! ………!?"

Rust: "…How did you find us?"

Sunraku: "A genuine coincidence."

Rust: "………I see."

Still, they're such a contrasting pair. It's kinda like… the more Mold's stats drop, the more Rust's stats go up—like a boss fight. Pair bosses are actually easy to figure out what they'll do, at least: first off, you gotta take 'em down simultaneously, or there's a sixty-to-seventy-percent chance one revives the other.

Mold: "Th-That's so bad for my heart, seriously stop!"

Sunraku: "My bad, my bad. Is it really that scary?"

Rust: "…Honestly, if I hadn't caught your player name first, I'd have attacked."

Whoa, give me a break. The gear I sacrificed to equip this thing wasn't that sturdy—if I took an arrow from a powerful bow at close range, my head would fly right off. Seems like Lycagon’s Contusion and R.I.P.’s unbreakable-equipment property are clashing; for a while now, every step I take has been making a sound like ice cracking. But if it's not breaking, I guess it's fine. I sent out a quick party invite, we formed a three-person team, and decided to go with "Let's just push forward till we die!"

Sunraku: "Huh, so you guys got on the boat to help the young master of the Decline Trading Company make a comeback."

Mold: "Rust was watching him because she was curious what a cornered NPC would do, but then it turned into talk of going to the New Land, so we took the quest."

Rust: "…He was like a reaction comedian. Fun to watch."

Is that so.

Sunraku: "Oh yeah, Rust… the clan base is done."

Rust: "Hmm—…WHAT!?"

Rust's neck, which had been disinterested, whipped toward me at high speed. Heh heh heh, looks like she grasped what that means…!

Rust: "That means—!"

Sunraku: "Well, I handed the reactor over to those two bastards, so we'll have to meet up with them."

Mold: "…Sunraku has a means of teleportation. So, meeting up is easy…!"

Sunraku: "You mean go right now? Well, time-wise, if those bastards have been handling the EX Scenario perfectly, they should be clearing it or done by now…"

No word from them, though. Well, the finale of the scenario is an escape sequence against "Blue," so maybe it can't be helped.

Sunraku: "Tactical Machine Beasts were being used here and there, so I doubt they got caught by the delusion forms. Which probably means second and subsequent clears just don't get announced."

Rust: "…Hmph."

Even allowing for Rei-shi and the others being there, it’s hard to imagine that elite party failing a Unique that eight people managed to clear. I'd been leaking bits of Ctarnidd scenario details to those bastards, so that fake magical girl might just compile that info and build a pseudo-strategy chart.

Sunraku: "Well, I guess in a broad sense, I'm a magical girl now too…"

Rust: "…That's not a sentence you hear often living in modern Japan."

Mold: "Magical girl… more like a black-magic witch?"

Sunraku: "Want me to make your diaphragm spasm for three days straight with my ace story that never bombs?"

Rust: "That threat is way too creative!?"

The story where Pencilgon got stuck headfirst in the ground, Katzo fused with an NPC, and I departed for outer space… no, let's not right now. Still, "I am a magical girl" really isn't something you say often while living in modern Japan, huh.

Rust: "Also, now that I look closely, it’s terrifying how you walk with almost no sway at all…"

Sunraku: "Ah, you noticed? I’m walking with sliding shuffle-steps."

Somehow, this horror-roleplay thing is getting more and more fun. At this rate, I’m starting to want that scissor-shaped Blade-to-Blade Sword that looks tailor-made for horror… Oh, right, the Blade-to-Blade Sword—the one I saw in Rabituza. That reminds me.

Right at that exact moment, a horse-like triceratops charged in from the side and nailed me head-on. I died.

???: "S-Sunraku—!"

Couldn’t beat physics…

[The kind of magical girl (horror) who makes something sound like it is cracking every time she walks.]