Chapter 1 — What Do You Play Games For?

The evil god Gluttony, who had imprisoned the spirits of the entire world, falls.

Multicolored lights burst from within its enormous body and scatter across the world. A girl who had been watching through tears turns toward me with tears of joy and a smile.

Faria: "Ah... the spirits are being set free... color is returning to the world... It's all thanks to you. Thank you... truly...!!"

Thinking back, it had been a long journey. Memories of all kinds pass through my mind. I put on the biggest smile I can manage, leap with every ounce of emotion behind it, and—

Sunraku: "AND WHILE I'M AT IT, YOU CAN DROP DEAD TOO, YOU BIIIIITCH!!!"

To overcome the spectacularly shitty mechanic where none of my previous weapons work on the final boss because of some needlessly elaborate lore, I had learned a martial-arts skill: Condemnation Flying Kick: Punishment Drop.

It slams straight into the girl's face, sending the game's heroine—the absolute bitch named Faria—spinning away like a drill.

But because this is a story scene, there is no damage calculation and the story keeps progressing. Watching her bounce from the impact while reminiscing about our journey is nothing short of horrifying. And really, what could be more pointless than directing heartfelt lines at me—a masked freak wearing nothing but swim trunks—while the grandiose stage and BGM desperately try to sell an emotional finale?

Sunraku: "Why the hell is the ONLY way to counter the final boss weaker than my bare hands!? It takes more than three times as long just to deal the same amount of damage! And why is the joke gear the most effective equipment against the final boss!? Thanks to that, I had to beat the damn thing dressed like a pervert! And Fuckaria, where the hell WERE you!? You didn't help once, but your voice kept echoing everywhere! What are you, an evil spirit!? I'll throw salt on you! SALT!!!"

Faria: "Traveling with everyone was hard... but it was fun...!!"

Sunraku: "YOU WERE THE CAUSE OF THE MAIN STORY AND EVERY SIDE QUEST IN THE FIRST PLAAAAACE!!!"

Anyone seeing me roar hard enough to obliterate the mood would probably ask whether I was actually having fun.

Don't worry. This is exactly why I didn't run away from this game.

Fearia Chronicle Online: Prayer of the Fairy Princess is the online remake of a self-proclaimed blockbuster RPG released at the dawn of the VRRPG era. Its general reputation can be summed up in one phrase:

A kusoge.

The enemies have viciously effective AI routines, while allied NPCs have catastrophically stupid ones. "Allies dumping every healing spell they have into a wall while enemies execute advanced encirclement-and-annihilation tactics" is not a joke or exaggeration. It is something that actually happens.

Roughly ninety percent of the story follows the same pattern:

"The heroine causes some problem → the heroine makes it worse → somebody dies → the player fixes it → somehow it all gets blamed on the evil god."

As a result, the heroine and the story have earned descriptions like "senile," "bitch," "poor evil god," "the woman who drew more hate than the final boss," and "the true evil."

And above all else, there are the bugs.

"A grassland that explodes every time you take a step."

"A pitfall that sends you straight to the final-boss area if you fall in."

"A boss whose every action runs at triple speed whenever the heroine is in the party"—and in solo play, the story forcibly puts the heroine in your party.

Et cetera, et cetera...

And apparently all of this was inherited from the offline version. At that point, all you can do is laugh.

The fact that, after defeating the final boss, you get three unrestricted minutes to attack the heroine before the ending credits begin is said to be the only thing powerful enough to justify buying the game.

Players who survived the ordeal long enough to reach that point call those three minutes the "Reward Three Minutes."

Attack the heroine at any other time, however, and the story will refuse to progress until you raise her affection again, while every other NPC in the game keeps insulting you—a system only a masochist could enjoy.

Enemies that are too strong. A scenario that is too shitty. Bugs that are too unpredictable.

Those three together built what players call the Triangle Pyramid of the Kusoge World.

It has been ten days since I started playing Fearia Chronicle Online, also known as Fuckaria. After throwing roughly twenty-four hours of my life into the gutter, I have finally cleared this shitty game—and now I feel a strange sense of exhilaration.

Like finishing a prison sentence, walking outside, and seeing an open blue sky for the first time in years.

Or like finding a contact lens that fell somewhere in the desert...

There is only one thing I can say with absolute certainty.

Sunraku: "I'M NEVER PLAYING A SHITTY GAME LIKE THIS AGAIN."

As the bizarrely grandiose music plays and the list of criminals responsible—the ending credits—scrolls by, I say that out loud while soaking in a very real sense of accomplishment.